Who attracts you more?

Have you ever wondered who you're attracted to?

Is it someone who is very much similar to you?

Or someone who is your opposite?

(Click to enlarge. These are the three main characters that I'm going to mention!)

BUZZER BEAT!

This is a summer season drama that recently concluded in Japan :)

(For this post, I'm solely considering the two factors that influence interpersonal attraction -- similarity and dissimilarity)

In the drama, Naoki was initially going steady with Natsuki, and was even considering getting married with her. They have stark differences in personalities as Natsuki is pragmatic and realistic, while Naoki always seem to be pursuing his far-fetched dreams. As their relationship progresses, their dissimilarities became more and more apparent and Naoki could not offer complementary rewards to Natsuki anymore. She could no longer tolerate the differences. Then she cheated on him and their relationship fell apart. At the same time, Naoki and Riko's meeting developed into a friendship, deepen and eventually turn into love. They shared very similar beliefs, attitudinal similarity, which escalated their progress of development in the beginning of their relationship. Just like Naoki who has a dream to become an outstanding professional basketball player, Riko is a violinist graduate who has a dream to become a professional violinist. Evidently, they share same values and opinions on the pursuit of their dreams, have had similar experiences as they face failures on their journey of pursuing their dreams, and look at the world in the same way. Thus, her existence provides a degree of social validation for Naoki.

However, their relationship got put to test and was criticised.

(Watch video, up to 3:25)

Natsuki accused them of "carelessly escaping from reality" and they are merely "licking each others' wounds". Though Natsuki recognised how Riko could offer support and comfort to Naoki (saying that Naoki feels "comfortable" and "doesn't have inferiority complex" when with Riko), she saw that their similarities lead to a relationship that is "childish and woolly". Then Natsuki continues to put down Naoki's dream. Riko couldn't stand how Natsuki looks down on Naoki's dreams, and jumped into his defence by saying that "Naoki isn't escaping from reality" and that his dream would "definitely, definitely come true!" This is only possible because they looked at their pursuits of dreams in the same way, unlike Natsuki who totally deem it as unrealistic and fuzzy.

In the same scene, Natsuki tries to sow seeds of discord in their relationship by saying "Naoki couldn't even tell you something as important as that (operation on his injury)" to Riko. Despite all these obstacles and criticisms, Naoki and Riko still worked out well. They easily resolved the worries as there were less uncertainties between them. They continued to render each other strength to carry on with their pursuits of their dreams. The concluding episode was a happy ending with both of them achieving their dreams.

And so, solely considering these two factors, similarities and dissimilarities, an ideal partner would be one that has an equal balance of similarities and dissimilarities with you, don't you think? Who wouldn't want to achieve the best of both worlds? However in my opinion, my ideal partner would be largely similar to me (like that of Naoki and Riko). Similarities are to dissimilarities, about 70:30. I definitely feel that having more similarities is more important. This is because being affirmed of your social validation is especially pertinent as we live in a world that is in a state of flux. And though people may develop and grow to like each others' differences over time, I feel that differences could potentially cause disputes and disharmony. Just like how oil and water can never be mixed, differences create the division between two people. The greater the differences, the greater the division. Thus a partner that is largely similar to me would attract me more.

So which influences your choice more?
Is it the similarity or the dissimilarity?

Other references:

http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Buzzer_Beat

(To read the synopsis.)

A daring expression or a national disgrace?

VIDEO

*Please watch the first 30 seconds of this video and pay attention to the look on the faces of audience.

READ

http://www.examiner.com/x-16352-Japan-Headlines-Examiner~y2009m8d20-Miss-Japan-2009-Emiri-Miyasaka-profile-and-pictures

http://beautyinpageants.blogspot.com/2009/07/miss-japan-universe-emiri-miyasakas.html?showComment=1249013110564

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/lifestylenews/view/446539/1/.html

When this year’s national costume was first revealed at a press conference (refer to the video) in early July, many Japanese felt that it is inappropriate and that it’s a “national disgrace”. They even felt that it was “crass” and “sleazy”. A ZakZak article (http://www.zakzak.co.jp/gei/200907/g2009072804_all.html) introduces the controversy to its Japanese readers, revealing that many comments have criticized the design. In the same article, they even made comparisons of the national costume of previous years, to show that this year’s national costume is unacceptable.

What mould the Japanese’s perspective on this issue can be explained with the cognitive schemata – the mental framework that we developed over time. It seems to me that many Japanese are “hard-wired” to think that Japanese woman should not carry such an image. This could be explained as they have person prototypes of an idealized Japanese lady, where she should be elegant and poised, as opposed to the image reflected by national costume which they found “revealing”, “vulgar” and “perverted”. Thus, they are quick to ignore the individual details such as the designer’s effort to inject modern fashion elements and are led to stereotyped and radical responses towards the national costume. Moreover, traditionally a kimono is used to express the spirit of the woman, and in turn gives the kimono its beauty and character (http://www.hanamiweb.com/kimono.html#whatsignify) instead of making a mark on the fashion runway.

Also, I would say that Miss Emiri Miyasaka is acting out of her script. Many would expect her to be apologetic with regards to the national costume, according to the script of a well-mannered and reserved Japanese lady. However, she rebuked those who criticized the design of the national costume on her personal blog by saying, “The conservative and fashion dinosaurs are criticising my costume, meanwhile the fashionistas love it. I care only about the movers and shakers in the fashion industry."

Thus these are reasons why it has caused such a furore in Japan.


What interests me out of this whole drama is the fact that an increasingly westernized culture group still has made strong opposition with regards to this. The first reactions of the Japanese present at the press conference were also stunning (refer to video and the fourth photo). Who would think that people whose popular culture such as music, which is largely influenced by western cultures, would react this way? Even the fashion and entertainment company which organizes the Japanese part of Miss Universe competition feedback that they “are just surprised by the harsh comments from many people”. It seems that the Japanese are still very protective when it comes to preserving their traditions and culture. They are also very much concerned with how foreigners would form wrong perceptions of the country based on the national costume (since that’s the only representative of the country at an international pageant). This could be seen as a pretty Asian response, where they are “afraid to lose face”.

Then it draws my attention to note the stark difference in perception between the two parties – majority of the Japanese population versus Miss Emiri Miyasaka and her co-workers. An interesting point to note is that Miss Emiri Miyasaka has received overseas education at California for a year. Thus I would think that her real experiences and exposure to other cultures result in her being more individualistic and daring (which could be explained by the cultural studies perspective – where a given culture exerts power over people who consume them). Therefore, is it the breach in experiences that resulted in this controversy?

"Perception is the process of selecting, organising and interpreting information in order to give personal meaning to the communication we receive."
Seiler & Beall
Communication Making Connection 1999:31

All in all, I think that it is largely dependent on the cognitive schemata which we developed that alter perception and helps us determine whether or not this is a national disgrace or a daring creation.

FYI: In the end, Miss Emiri Miyasaka wore a less revealing kimono on the 23 August finals (they lengthened the kimono).

Other references:

http://www.beautyinpageants.blogspot.com/2009/07/miss-japan-emiri-miyasakas-atrocious.html

http://www.aznlover.com/vbulletin/news-around-world/44892-miss-japan-universe-emiri-miyasakas-controversial-national-costume.html

http://www.examiner.com/x-12090-Pageant-Examiner~y2009m7d5-Miss-Universe-Japan-2009-Emiri-Miysaka

Everyone deserves a second chance

Remember seeing this publicity poster?

I believe most of us are aware of the Yellow Ribbon Project and its associated events. A recent event held was the Yellow Prison Run, themed Beyond the Run. The motives of the event are directed back at the organisation’s 3 key goals:

To create Awareness of giving second chances to ex-offenders,
To generate Acceptance of ex-offenders and their families into the community,
To inspire Community Action to support the rehabilitation and reintegration of ex-offenders.

(refer to http://www.yellowribbonprisonrun.sg/background.php)

As I inspect further, it makes me wonder how successful the event is on achieving its motives when I chanced upon an article titled, “Where were the women at Yellow Ribbon?” (http://news.asiaone.com/News/Mailbox/Story/A1Story20090907-166103.html) Miss Kat recalls her own experience of the event, and her article apparently shows that the event is successful in conveying the message that “everyone deserves a second chance”. The publicity evoked her pathos, as the ex-offenders shared their testimonies with regards to moving on with life and integrating back into the society after their punishment term. The organisation also invited other ex-offenders to perform songs which were composed and written by themselves. This appeals to one’s logos, as it is evident that the ex-offenders are just as capable as non-offenders, and should be valued the same way. A considerable 6000 supporters turned up for the event, including Dr Teo Chee Hean, who was the guest-of-honor at the event. Thus, one would say that the organisation is actually successful with its goals.

However, in the same article, Miss Kat pointed out that “there was less participation by female former ex-offenders”. Was it because “the women feel that they would be stigmatized if they came out in the open”? As pointed out, the impression of ex-offenders on the public’s view on them is that there is a negative stigma and image cast on them. And indeed more often than not, our vision is colored and our views on the ex-offenders are inherently distorted by human nature and personal prejudices (reference to Bacon’s Idol of Tribe and Idol of Cave). For instance, one would not be particularly impressed when he learns that his co-worker is an ex-offender as it is inculcated in our minds that breaking the law is something shameful and unflattering. Thus this draws our attention to aspire to become more objective in our judgment, and be aware of the distortions so that we can overcome them and help unlock the ex-offenders' second prison.

The message that is perpetually propagated by the organisation is this: Everyone deserves a second chance. That includes both ex-offenders and non-offenders.

“Although they have made a mistake in life, they deserve a second chance. We all make mistakes, we all come out the better for it.”
President of the Republic of Singapore, S R Nathan

(Lifted from the Yellow Ribbon Project homepage.)

Indeed, all of us make mistakes. Recall the last time you had your fall. If the people around you, your family, your friends, your co-workers did not extend their graciousness towards you and give you that second chance, would you have picked yourself up? We are all on common ground as we also seek for second chance when we make mistakes, just like those ex-offenders. Think in their shoes, they deserve the second chance just as much as you do. Put away your colored lenses and embrace a fresh and new perspective on the ex-offenders.

Make that prison break.

Other references:

http://www.yellowribbon.org.sg/

http://www.yellowribbonprisonrun.sg/